Yes, I know, I'm late with posting this week's list....I was buried under finals and a million fittings of my ugly bridesmaid's dress. Joy!
We're about to leave for the wedding, but I wanted to put up this final list, because we're going to Belize tomorrow, and I probably won't be posting!
1. S. always has to be the last person in the room because everyone has to notice (and possibly tell her) how beautiful she is. This will probably mean she holds up the wedding by at least half an hour, possibly long enough for her to make a big dramatic entrance at the end. She is pretty bitter about the bridesmaid’s dresses.
2. S. boycotts the whole concept of a wedding, since our real mother probably isn’t dead anyway—she’s just missing.
3. If our mother is dead, it sort of takes away from the “beautiful girl with a missing mother” vibe that S. has been working since she started high school.
4. S. hate hate hates having to do things on Saturday, because Saturday’s the day she and her friends usually spend all day on El Paseo, shopping for new outfits for the week.
5. There has never been a time, in the history of ever, when an event in our family has happened without drama. S. is always nearby, but is rarely if ever held responsible for them.
6. S. and her friends operate in a parallel “pretty girl” universe, meaning they can do anything, anytime they want. This applies to 99% of the world, including parents, teachers, and friends, so why would a wedding be any different?
7. Four words: seafoam green bridesmaid’s dress. Or, is sea foam two words?
8. The last time I poked my head into her room (approximately 15 minutes ago) to remind her that it was time to go, S.’s bitchy friend D. threw a cashmere pillow at my head. Not a good sign. Also, it looked like S. was trying on her sluttiest outfit.
9. Since our mom has been gone for nine years, our dad’s fiancé is trying to get him to “move on with things.” Thus, the wedding of the century. This would mean that she, not S, is in charge of our house from now on.
10. Our little sister is only ten and unable to cook up a really good “event ruining” plan. Grandma is mean, but it’s not her style to embarrass the family in public. And while I object to the wedding in theory, I just want to get it over with. Causing a scene would definitely not accomplish this objective.
This leaves S.
She’s definitely going to try something.
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